In the revealing reflection, Khloe Kardashian's ex-husband confessed the reality star had once walked in on him doing drugs with another woman.
Almost two years after his near-death experience, the 37-year-old described waking up from a four-day coma in a hospital bed, with tubes sticking out of his mouth.
You ever had a really bad dream, where you’re trying to run away from a monster or some sh**, and you just can’t run? Your legs don’t work like they should, and the monster is coming right behind you, and it’s like you’re in slow motion. That’s what it felt like,' he explained.
The athlete remembered being 'surprised' to see his then-estranged wife Khloe was with him, adding: 'Honestly, that’s when I knew that I was probably in bad shape.'
The retired NBA player had wound up in the scary situation after overdosing at Nevada's Love Ranch brothel in October 2015.
The celeb recalled he had been in the habit of heavily abusing narcotics at the time.
'At that point in my life, I was doing coke every day. Pretty much every second of free time that I had, I was doing coke. I couldn’t control it. I didn’t want to control it.'
The New York native ended up at Sunrise Hospital in Las Vegas after the alarming incident.
He recalled having a wake-up call while 'trapped all day' in his thoughts at the Nevada medical center.
'I was laying there in that bed, hooked up to all these machines, people all around me crying, and there was no running from it anymore. It was like God was telling me, "Whatever the f*** you think you’re doing, you need to slow down. Or it’s gonna be worse than this,"' he said.
The Los Angeles Lakers alum also described how heavily he abused cocaine.
'It will make you do things you never thought you’d do. It will turn you into a different person. It will put you in situations where you say to yourself, "How the f*** did I get here?"' he mused.
He recalled first getting into the drug, saying: 'I never wanted to touch anything stronger than marijuana. I definitely never touched cocaine. I actually looked down on it. I didn’t try it until I was 24 years old, when I was on summer vacation in Miami. And … I wish I could tell you there was a reason for it. There wasn’t.'
While Lamar admitted to initially using coke to numb the pain of losing loved ones, he explained he wasn't doing drugs on a daily basis until the death of his infant son Jayden.
The scandalized star recalled how Khloe once caught him abusing the narcotic with another woman.
'One of the darkest places I’ve ever been was when I was in a motel room, getting high with this chick, and my wife (at the time) walked in,' he remembered.
'My dick and my habit took me down all the roads that you don’t ever wanna go down,' he added.
He reflected fondly on the people he's lost, and those who are still around, saying: 'I just look at their faces for a few minutes, and it’s like a reminder of what life is supposed to be about. I feel warm. I feel an energy. I feel love. That s--t gets me through the day.'
Lamar finalized his divorce from Khloe in December 2016. It does not appear that they are friends.
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